فصل 95

joana

“I promise.”

Was it the way he said it? Was there something that lingered behind it? Or was it just my own pathetic loneliness that made me grab the scissors?

Florian appeared as I was walking between the maternity ward and the infirmary. I hadn’t been sure he was still on board. Secretly, I was happy to see him. Why was it so hard to stay angry with some people?

“Please. It will only take a few minutes.” He smiled. “I promise.”

I quickly followed him to the stairs. He leapt up, taking them in twos, agile even with his pack. We crept through the small doorway in the stairwell up to the chimney.

“Are you sure you want me to do this?” I said.

“It’s the best option I have right now.” He leaned his back against the door. “In case someone tries to open it.”

“Move your foot,” I told him. I stepped between his legs. “Okay, now come down a bit.” He shimmied his back down the door, sliding his legs alongside mine until our faces were level.

“How much?” I asked.

“As much as you can.”

I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to stand it up at the roots. That would make it easier to cut. It was thick and soft near the scalp. “You have nice hair,” I told him.

He reached out and gently slid one of my curls between his fingers. He closed his eyes. “Maybe you’d better start.”

I grasped a piece of his hair with my left hand and snipped with my right. He opened his eyes and looked at the chunk suspended in my fingers. We both laughed.

I cut most of the hair and then trimmed as tight to the scalp as I could. It was difficult near his ears. I moved in close, trying to be as gentle as possible. He put his hands on my waist. Was he keeping a safe distance between us?

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to kiss you. I’m hard at work here,” I teased. He didn’t reply.

“So,” he said awkwardly, trying to make conversation. “I’ve been to Lithuania.”

He was being honest. I decided I should be too. “I know,” I told him. “The first night in the barn, when I took out the shrapnel. You said some things.”

His face clouded. “Oh?”

“You said you had once visited Lithuania. You also said you had to recover to find Anni.”

“Oh, well, that’s not too bad. I already told you that Anni is my sister.”

I nodded and clipped closer to his scalp. “And you told me I was pretty. You said you were a good dancer and asked if I had a boyfriend.”

“Well, that’s . . . embarrassing,” he said.

“You were delirious. You didn’t know what you were saying.” I continued cutting, aware of both the silence and the sensation of his hands around my waist. He finally spoke.

“The night that I said those things—did you tell me anything?”

I stopped clipping and looked at him. I nodded. His fingers pressed gently against my back. He pulled me in closer. Then closer still. I put my mouth to his ear. It was barely a whisper.

“I told you that I’m a murderer.”