فصل 95

joana

I took a breath, trying to control my anger. How could he do this to me?

Tomorrow morning I could walk down to the pier and find the blond soldier. I could tell him that I realized I was mistaken. I didn’t write any sort of medical testimony, that I knew nothing of it. The soldier had said I was Volksdeutsche—of German ancestry. It was true. Germany had saved me from Stalin. What now did I owe to Germany?

“Joana.”

The voice came soft from over my shoulder. I turned. Emilia stared at me, her eyes full of concern.

“No,” she whispered. “Please.”

Were my thoughts visible?

“Excuse me, Fr?ulein.” Alfred stood at the edge of the ward. “A certain gentleman has requested an audience with you,” he said.

“Where is he?” I asked.

“I will take you,” he said. “You might want to bring your coat.”

I tried to hurry Alfred, but it was no use. The ship was so overcrowded it was impossible to move quickly. How many thousands of people had they boarded?

“But when will I see them?” sobbed a young girl in the corridor.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” said an old woman. “You were lucky to be the one chosen in your family. Your mother will come for you in a couple years. You’ll see, the time will go quickly.”

The crying girl looked to be ten or eleven. How would she make it on her own? “Alfred, there are so many. They’ll have to remove some passengers, won’t they?” I asked.

“No. I’ve heard that we have over eight thousand already and we are still boarding.”

Eight thousand? The ship’s capacity was not even fifteen hundred. We passed cabins intended for four people. A dozen were squeezed in, trying to sleep, suitcases and luggage stacked to the ceiling.

“This is quite civilized,” said Alfred. “This afternoon over three hundred girls from the naval auxiliary arrived. They are at the very bottom of the ship. In the drained swimming pool.”

I realized how fortunate I was to be in the maternity ward. There was space and relative calm. We waded through the sea of people toward the stairwell. Some were wearing life vests, which took up even more space.

We climbed the stairs. The air became cooler. I put on my coat. Alfred stopped me and put his finger to his lips. We let some people in the stairway pass. He then opened a small door in the stairway and pulled me by the sleeve of my coat.

We were inside a hollow chamber. “Where are we?” I asked.

“In the chimney,” he announced.

“Shh,” echoed from above. I looked up and saw Florian climbing down an interior ladder.

“Alfred,” I said. “Would you mind leaving us for a moment?”