گروه جیم

CHAPTER TEN

Jim’s band

Jim went home after that. I told him to go because I needed to think. Before he went, he wrote something down and gave it to me. I read it after he left.

It said: ‘I believe that sometimes it’s more important to feel than to think. We love each other. Don’t forget that.’

I didn’t forget it. I thought about it all the time. But I also remembered Lauren’s words. And Jim’s music. It was the worst time of my life.

Mum knew I was sad. ‘Take a holiday from work, Sam,’ she told me. ‘Visit Ron in London.’

I thought it was a good idea. I always had fun with Ron. So I went.

But it’s difficult to have fun with anyone when your world is in pieces. I was in London, not Norwich, but I still was thinking about Jim; I wasn’t having fun at all. And I soon saw that Ron and his friend Mary were boyfriend and girlfriend now, not just friends.

Ron felt bad about Jim and me. He tried not to be too happy about Mary when I was there. He didn’t want me to feel worse. But every time he looked at her, he smiled.

And I understood. Of course I understood! Until a week ago it was the same for me. I felt happy every time I looked at Jim. But not anymore.

A few days later, when it was time for me to catch the train home, Ron took me to the station. We stood together on the station platform with hundreds of people hurrying to work around us.

Ron signed to me, ‘Sam, I don’t think of you as my deaf friend,’ he said. I think of you as my kind, funny friend. I’m sure it’s the same for Jim.’

‘I’m so lucky to have you as my friend,’ I told him.

We kissed and said goodbye, and then I got on the train. I wanted to believe Ron, but Lauren’s words were always in my head: ‘Jim wants to be with someone who can hear his music.’

I knew it was true.

When I got home Mum looked at me. She saw in my face that nothing was different. ‘Send Jim a text message, Sam,’ she said. ‘Please. Speak to him. I hate to see you like this.’

‘I can’t,’ I told her.

She looked at me for a long time. ‘Do you know what I think?’ she said. ‘I don’t think this is about Jim at all. I think it’s about your father.’

I looked at her, but I didn’t say anything. I wanted to know what she meant.

‘I didn’t want to tell you this,’ she said, ‘but now I think its best.’

Mum’s face was sad, and I felt afraid.

‘What is it?’ I asked.

She closed her eyes for a moment. ‘Your father left us because he met another woman: a woman who didn’t have any children and who thought your father was wonderful. She didn’t want to play guitar or have children.

She only wanted to be with him. Sam, your father didn’t leave because you were deaf. He left because he didn’t want to be a father to any child.’

Mum was very sad now. She was crying and her face was wet. I wanted to put my arms around her, but she started signing again.

‘You think Jim will leave you after a few months because you’re deaf. But I think you’re wrong. Jim isn’t the same as your father. He doesn’t just think about himself.

He’s a good man and he loves you.’ She smiled at me. ‘Oh, Sam, I understand, I really do. When you love somebody you feel afraid.

But it’s better to feel afraid than to feel sad. Sometimes you have to fight for what you want.’ She put her arms around me and soon we were both crying. Then, after a few minutes, she smiled at me. She looked happy now, like Mum again.

‘Get your coat,’ she told me. ‘I know where Jim is. We can go to see him.’

I didn’t ask any questions, I just did what she said. I wanted to see Jim. I wanted to see him very much.

Mum drove through the city centre. I didn’t know where we were going or how she knew where Jim was- I was busy thinking about love stories and about the problem keeping me from Jim.

It wasn’t that I was deaf and it wasn’t because my dad left when I was born. It was me. I was making problems because was afraid. I was fighting against something I really wanted, and it was stupid. I could never kill my love for Jim; it was too strong.

After ten minutes the car stopped and I saw we were near a church. But Mum didn’t go into the church, she went up to the building next to it, St Marks Church Hall.

Before she opened the door, I stopped her. ‘How did you know where to find Jim?’ I asked her.

Mum smiled. ‘I came here while you were in London,’ she said and smiled again. ‘Follow me. It’s all right.’

Then she opened the door and went in. After a moment I went in after her. And there was Jim with four other men. They were playing music, and I knew this was Jim’s band.

Jim was playing drums. There were four drums of different sizes. Jim was playing all of them. His hands were moving very quickly. Quicker than Mums hands when she’s speaking to me. I watched him play for a few moments.

At first he didn’t see me, but I was happy just to look at him. It was very good to see him again. And now I was really seeing him. Because this was the Jim who played music: this was the real Jim.