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Now let’s look at what we would called the abundance mentality.

Abundance Mentality means that rather than seeing life as a competition with only one winner, you see it as a cornucopia of ever enlarging opportunity, resources and wealth. You don’t compare yourself to others and can be genuinely happy for their successes. Scarcity-minded people come out of a comparison-based identity and are threatened by the successes of others. Even though they might pretend and say otherwise, they know it’s eating their hearts out. Those with the Abundance Mentality see their competitors as some of their most valued and important teachers. These same three attributes integrity, maturity and Abundance Mentality perfectly describe a complementary team.

Now let’s look at the competence side of personal trustworthiness.

Technical competence is the skill and knowledge necessary to accomplish a particular task.

Conceptual knowledge is being able to see the big picture, how all parts relate to one another. It’s being able to think strategically, and systematically, not just tactically.

Interdependency is an awareness of the reality that all of life is connected, particularly with organizations and complementary teams that are attempting to win and keep the loyalty of customers, associates, suppliers and owners. Independent thinking in an interdependent reality would again be analogous to playing tennis with a golf club or thinking analog ideas in a digital world.

As my son-in-law Matt was being interviewed for medical school, he was asked whom he would prefer: an honest surgeon who was incompetent, or a competent surgeon who was dishonest. He reflected and gave a very good answer. He said, “It all depends on the issue. If I needed the surgery, I’d go for the competent one. If it was a question of whether to have the surgery or not, I’d go for the honest one.” Both character and competence are, of course, necessary, but they are also individually insufficient. General H. Norman Schwarzkopf put it this way:

I’ve met a lot of leaders in the army who were very, very competent. But they didn’t have character. For every job they did well in the Army, they sought reward in the form of promotions, in the form of awards and decorations, in the form of getting ahead at the expense of somebody else, in the form of another piece of paper that awarded them another degree . . . a sure road to the top. You see, these were competent people, but they lacked character. I’ve also met a lot of leaders who had superb character but who lacked competence. They weren’t willing to pay the price of leadership, to go the extra mile because that’s what it took to be a great leader. To lead in the twenty-first century . . . you will be required to have both character and competence.3 You will clearly discover, if it’s not already obvious to you, why there is no way you can make significant progress in your relationships with other people if your own life is a mess or if you’re basically untrustworthy. That’s why, in the last analysis, to improve any relationship, you must start with yourself; you must improve yourself.

MODELING IS LIVING THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People embody the essence of becoming a balanced, integrated, powerful person and creating a complementary team based on mutual respect. They are the principles of personal character. The Habits cannot be adequately covered here in a way that truly impacts—that is best experienced in the book. But below you’ll find a brief summary of the 7 Habits: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Habit 1—Be Proactive

Being proactive is more than taking initiative. It is recognizing that we are responsible for our own choices and have the freedom to choose based on principles and values rather than on moods or conditions. Proactive people are agents of change and choose not to be victims, to be reactive, or to blame others.

Habit 2—Begin with the End in Mind

Individuals, families, teams and organizations shape their own future by first creating a mental vision for any project, large or small, personal or interpersonal. They don’t just live day-to-day with no clear purpose in mind. They identify and commit themselves to the principles, relationships and purposes that matter most to them.

Habit 3—Put First Things First

Putting first things first means organizing and executing around your most important priorities. Whatever the circumstance, it is living and being driven by the principles you value most, not by the urgent agendas and forces surrounding you.

Habit 4—Think Win-Win

Thinking win-win is a frame of mind and heart that seeks mutual benefit and mutual respect in all interactions. It’s thinking in terms of abundance and opportunity rather than scarcity and adversarial competition. It’s not thinking selfishly (win-lose) or like a martyr (lose-win). It’s thinking in terms of “we,” not “me.” Habit 5—Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

When we listen with the intent to understand others, rather than with the intent to reply, we begin true communication and relationship building. Opportunities to then speak openly and to be understood come much more naturally and easily. Seeking to understand takes consideration; seeking to be understood takes courage. Effectiveness lies in balancing or blending the two.

Habit 6—Synergize

Synergy is the third alternative—not my way, not your way, but a third way that is better than either of us would come up with individually. It’s the fruit of respecting, valuing, and even celebrating one another’s differences. It’s about solving problems, seizing opportunities, and working out differences. It’s the kind of creative cooperation of 1+1=3, 11, 111 . . . or more. Synergy is also the key to any effective team or relationship. A synergistic team is a complementary team—where the team is organized so that the strengths of some compensate for the weaknesses of others. In this way you optimize and run with strengths and make individual weaknesses irrelevant.

Habit 7—Sharpen the Saw

Sharpening the saw is about constantly renewing ourselves in the four basic areas of life: physical, social/emotional, mental and spiritual. It’s the habit that increases our capacity to live all other habits of effectiveness.

THE FIRST THREE HABITS can be summarized in a very simple four-word expression: Make and keep promises. The ability to make a promise is proactivity (Habit 1). The content of the promise is Habit 2, and keeping the promise is Habit 3.

Only 57 percent of workers surveyed agree that their organizations consistently do what they say they will do.

The next three complementary-team Habits can be summarized in a short phrase: Involve people in the problem and work out the solution together. This necessitates mutual respect (Habit 4), mutual understanding (Habit 5), and creative cooperation (Habit 6). Habit 7, Sharpen the Saw, is increasing your competency in the four areas of life: body, mind, heart and spirit. It’s renewing one’s personal integrity and security (Habits 1, 2 and 3) and renewing the spirit and character of the complementary team.

Here is a chart that describes the principles and paradigms of each of the 7 Habits (see table 3):

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Table 3

PRINCIPLES EMBODIED IN THE 7 HABITS

Look carefully at each of these principles. As mentioned earlier, you’ll notice three things: First, they are universal—that means they transcend culture and are embodied in all major world religions and enduring philosophies; second, they are timeless—they never change; and third, they are self-evident. How do we know when something is self-evident? As mentioned before, by trying to argue against it. You simply can’t do it. In the case of the principles underlying the 7 Habits, you can’t argue against the importance of responsibility or initiative, of having a purpose, of integrity, of mutual respect, of mutual understanding, of creative cooperation, or of the importance of continuous renewal. The 7 Habits are character principles that shape who and what you are. They provide the credibility, moral authority and skill base for your influence in an organization, including your family, community and society; they are at the core of the first of the 4 Roles of Leadership—modeling. The 4 Roles of Leadership are then what you do as a leader to inspire others to find their voice (see 8.4).

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Figure 8.4

Many organizations have trained their employees in the 7 Habits. Many of those people have found the 7 Habits to be very useful at work if the structures and systems support them. But because, in many cases, low-trust cultures and misaligned structures and systems have not been supportive, many have concluded that the 7 Habits don’t really work at work. This 4 Roles model creates a compatible and supportive context for the 7 Habits so that they can really be lived both at work and at home. In fact, we have found that this is the way people really learn the 7 Habits—not as an intellectual exercise but as an experiential exercise. It is only when people apply the 7 Habits—that is, actually live them—that they come to really know them. To know them intellectually but not do them is to really not know them. The 4 Roles context will create an entirely new life for the 7 Habits, and they will be perceived as strategically vital to an organization instead of just a nice sideshow training program. The 4 Roles mainstream the 7 Habits.

I remember once training a very large group of top public and private sector executives in Egypt. They thought I came to sell the 7 Habits. My opening comment was, “You think I’ve come here to sell the 7 Habits. I’m telling you not to buy the 7 Habits, because all you’ll do is see it as a training program for others of lesser rank—you won’t fundamentally alter your leadership style and reinvent the structures, systems and processes that reinforce the principles in the 7 Habits. Such changes require a new paradigm of leadership. That’s what I’ve come to teach. If you want to be the leader of the Arab world and to become current with the new economic global marketplace, you need a larger and supportive context for the 7 Habits. Then you will be totally astonished at the results you can achieve.” Apparently, it intrigued them. At the break they got on their cell phones, and the audience doubled for the later sessions.

7 HABITS PARADIGMS

Each one of the 7 Habits not only represents a principle, but also a paradigm, a way of thinking (see again table 3).

When we more deeply consider that Habits 1, 2 and 3 are represented in the four-word expression “make and keep promises,” we come to understand the accompanying paradigm of each habit. Habit 1, Be Proactive, is a paradigm of self-determination rather than genetic, social, psychic or environmental determination—I can and will make a promise. It’s the power of choice. Habit 2, Begin with the End in Mind, is the paradigm that all things are created twice, the mental, then the physical; it is the content of the promise—I can consider both the substance of a promise I want to make and what I hope to accomplish from it. It’s the power of focus. Habit 3 is the paradigm of priority, action and execution—I have the ability and responsibility to carry out that promise.

Habits 4, 5 and 6—Think Win-Win, Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood, and Synergize—are the paradigms of abundance in dealing with others—abundance of respect, of mutual understanding (balancing consideration and courage), and of valuing differences. It’s at the heart of a complementary team.

Habit 7 is the paradigm of continuous improvement of the whole person; it stands for education, learning and recommitment—what the Japanese call Kaizen. This is why the circular diagram used throughout the book uses an arrow that does not complete the circle but rather creates an upward spiral that represents constant improvement in each of the four areas of choice.

THE MODELING TOOL—THE PERSONAL PLANNING SYSTEM

Because modeling always comes first and is manifest primarily in the other three roles, your first job is to get your act together—to create FOCUS in your life. You simply have to decide what matters most to you. What are your highest values? What vision do you have for your life? What about your work at home as a father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, aunt, uncle, sister, brother, cousin, son or daughter? What kind of service would you like to give your community, your church, your neighborhood and others in need? How important is your health? How are you going to maintain and enhance your health? Some have said that health is wealth and that without it, no other wealth matters. What about your mind, your growth and development? How important is that to you? What about your work? What are your true talents? Where does your passion lie? Where are the greatest needs in your organization and in the marketplace? On what projects and initiatives does your conscience inspire you to take action? How will you truly make a difference in your work? What will your legacy be?

The focusing tool of the first role is a personal planning system. You begin by writing down, either in your paper planner or your electronic planning device, what matters most to you and then building those governing priorities into your planning system so that you can effectively balance the need for structure and discipline with the need for spontaneity. In short, focus and execution.

Even more powerful than visualization, writing bridges the conscious and the subconscious mind. Writing is a psycho-neuromuscular activity and literally imprints the brain. To test this, before you go to bed, write down three things you want to do or think about first thing in the morning and just see what happens. In almost all cases, you will have a consciousness of those three things when you first wake up in the morning.

Only one-third of xQ respondents have a personal planning system.

There are many different approaches to developing and keeping a personal planning system. The key thing is that the method should work to keep the individual focused on his or her highest priorities. Some, like myself, find that this kind of structure gives freedom, where others find it stifling. A powerful planning and organizing tool contains the following three criteria: it is integrated into your life/lifestyle; it is mobile, to always be accessible; it is personalized, so it exactly suits your needs.* There is a simple process for evaluating whether or not those things upon which you are focused are clearly aligned with what matters most to you. Consider the productivity pyramid that follows.

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Figure 8.5

At the base, we must first identify our mission and governing values—standards, ideals. Elvis Presley said, “Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s are the same, but you leave ‘em all over everything you do.” As we discussed earlier, these values should be anchored in principles so that your life will have a changeless core and inner source of security, guidance, wisdom and power. The key to this is, perhaps, writing a personal mission statement that describes what matters most to you, including your vision and values. Having this mission statement up front enables you to prioritize your life. A woman once came to me and said, “I witnessed the process of my father dying. We were very close and it was very emotional. I remember that you wrote in the 7 Habits book that one of the most effective ways to practice Habit 2, Begin With the End in Mind, is to write four eulogies that you’d like to have given at your own funeral—one by a loved one, one by a friend, one by a work associate and one by someone you served with in your church or community. For the first time, as I watched my father pass from this world and as we prepared his funeral, I took seriously the writing of a personal mission statement where I would clarify in a deep sense what matters most to me.” If you would like some help getting a start on your personal mission statement, we have developed a complementary personal mission statement formulator that walks you through the process step-by-step.** Next, it is important that you identify your most important roles (e.g., family member, church/community volunteer, friend, mother/father, team leader), and set goals for the week that are aligned with those values and associated with the roles you have identified. The personal planning tool will help you set goals that are attainable, that you will be accountable to yourself for, and that you can break down into smaller goals. Your level of commitment to those goals will be directly correlated to how connected they are to your values. A clear awareness of your roles and goals enables you to balance your life.

The third level of the pyramid is weekly planning. During this planning time, you have the chance to reflect on your roles, choose the “big rocks” and plan those in first as you begin to schedule your week. This leads you into daily planning, wherein you make realistic task lists, prioritize tasks, and review scheduled appointments for the day.

The book I coauthored with Rebecca and Roger Merrill, entitled First Things First, goes deeply into these areas of personal mission statements and planning systems, for those who are interested.

If you only do daily planning—outside the larger context of your values and your goals for each of your roles in life and outside of weekly planning—you’ll spend your time in firefighting and crisis management. Urgency will define importance and will become addictive. You’ll spend your stressed life in the thick of thin things.

FILM: Big Rocks

In the book First Things First, we introduced a perfect metaphor for achieving life balance and accomplishing those things that matter most to you. We captured a live, unrehearsed demonstration of this metaphor on video at one of my seminars. It is entitled Big Rocks, and in its own way it communicates how we can use our three birth-gifts—choice, principles, and the four human intelligences—to create positive change in our lives. You may now watch the video by going to www.The8thHabit.com/offers and selecting Big Rocks from the Films menu.

There are many lessons to be learned from this exercise. The most important is very simple: Put the big rocks in first. If you fill your bowl or your life with pebbles first, and then you have a major crisis with one of your children, a financial or health setback, or a significant new creative opportunity, what are you going to do? Those things are big rocks, and there is no room left for them in your life. Always think in terms of big rocks first. Determine what is most important in your life and make your decisions based on those very important criteria. The big rocks are simply those things that matter most in your life. Again the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. Your three supernal birth-gifts give you the power to make such choices and truly become the creative force of your own life. With a burning “yes” around your high priorities, you can easily say “no” to things that are urgent but not important, smilingly, cheerfully, guilt-free, “No!”

A common question asked me all the time is:

It makes sense that you’ve got to have trustworthy people in your organization to have trust, but what do you do if you have customers that abuse and mishandle your trustworthy employees and do it constantly?

My answer is Fire the customers! I know of an extremely prominent organization that actually writes letters to customers who, when it becomes evident to everybody, persist in mistreating employees. They’ve actually said to the customers they did not want their business. However, the better and higher solution is to seek some third-alternative solution with good communication—always, of course, listening first.