فصل 21

CHAPTER 21

DINNER THAT NIGHT WAS PLEASANT because I could tell the boys had learned from Jack’s mistake. They all sat a little taller as I entered, nodding their heads as I passed, and I sensed that, once again, I’d regained control.

Dad looked a little calmer as well, though I could tell he hadn’t quite let go of all his worry. Ahren leaned across the table to give me a conspiratorial wink, and it was almost like this terrible thing had made life a little better.

Dad had suggested that I try to make conversation with the boys at dinner, but calling out over all those people felt rude. I didn’t think I could do that, at least not in a way that felt natural. I knew that, even with what I’d gone through, I was expected to get back out there. Instead of talking, I looked at my options. . . .

Of all the boys left, Ean struck me as the most intimidating. Not because he seemed violent in any way, but because of that constant pride and calmness that hung around him, like an earthquake couldn’t make him move if he didn’t want it to.

So maybe going out with him next would conquer a fear in some way. There was no way he was as impervious as he seemed. We’d simply need to do something in the open and make sure the photographers came.

As if he could read my thoughts, Ean looked up at me at that very second, and I turned away, pretending to be engrossed with my brother.

I noticed Kaden was reading a newspaper beneath the table.

“What’s that article about?” I asked.

He answered without looking away, like he was trying to finish his day’s work before the end of dinner. “A collection going around in an area in Midston. They’re raising money for a girl to go to art school. She’s talented, but she can’t afford to study on her own. She says . . . hold on. Here it is. ‘I come from a line of Threes. My family thinks it’s beneath me to study art, even though the castes no longer exist. It’s hard. I remind them that the queen was born a Five, and she’s brilliant. They won’t pay for my schooling, so I’m asking for help to pursue my dreams.’ “Look at the picture of her paintings. They aren’t bad.” I grew up with a deep appreciation for art, and while her work wasn’t an aesthetic I particularly cared for, I could see she was talented.

“They’re good. It’s so silly. The point of getting rid of the castes was so people could have the choice of whatever profession they wanted, and they’re not even using it. It’s almost like they don’t want it to work.” “Setting up a system to allow something doesn’t mean people will do it.” “Obviously,” I commented coldly, sipping my drink.

“The key is to make them understand that. Do you remember Mom showing us those old history books and how the United States had that paper”—he paused to think of the name—“the Declaration of Independence? And it said the people were allowed to pursue happiness. But no person making that document could actually hand over happiness.” I smiled. “You’re too smart.”

“I’d take that as a compliment, but last week you were caught kissing Kile in the dark.” “Oh, ha ha ha,” I said, tempted to stick out my tongue at him. “It’s not like my opinion ever mattered much anyway.” “Are you going to marry Kile?”

I nearly choked. “No!”

Kaden laughed wildly, making most of the room look our way.

“I take it back,” I said, dabbing my lips. “You are a singularly gifted idiot!” I stood, flicking Kaden’s ear as I passed. “Hey!” “Thanks for being there for me, Kaden. You’re a great brother.” He rubbed at his ear, still grinning. “I try.”

Marry Kile, I thought, doing my best not to burst out laughing again. If he could continue to be discreet, the chances of me kissing Kile again were very, very high . . . but I couldn’t imagine actually being married to him.

I wasn’t sure I could imagine being married to any of these boys.

I wasn’t sure I could imagine being married at all. . . .

I slowed, looking at some of their faces as I passed. What would it be like to fall asleep next to Hale? Or to have Baden slip a ring on my finger?

I tried to picture it and couldn’t. I remembered Ahren mentioning that some of the Selected asked him if it was possible I liked girls, but even thinking about that made me laugh. I knew that wasn’t what was stopping me from genuinely being able to connect with a boy . . . but I sensed now that something was. It wasn’t simply a desire to be independent; there was a wall around me, and I wasn’t completely sure why.

But wall or no wall, I’d made a promise.

When I got to Ean, I paused.

“Mr. Cabel?”

He stood and bowed. “Yes, Your Highness.”

“Do you ride horses?”

“I do.”

“Would you like to accompany me on a ride tomorrow?” A wicked glint came into his eye. “I would.”

“Excellent. See you then.”

I chose to wear a dress and do the whole thing sidesaddle. It wasn’t my favorite way to ride, but I thought a touch of femininity would add to the purpose of the afternoon.

When I walked out to the stables, Ean was waiting for me, saddling his horse.

“Ean!” I called as I approached.

He lifted his head and waved. He was very handsome, the kind of person I thought people expected to see next to me. Every action of his was controlled, and I was determined to match him and not let myself be anxious.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Almost. I need to grab my saddle.” I walked past him into the stalls.

“Is that what you’re going to wear?”

I whipped back around. “I can do more in ten minutes wearing this dress than most men can do all day wearing pants.” He laughed. “I don’t doubt it.”

Butterscotch was at the back, in a slightly wider stall than most of the others. A princess’s horse deserved some space and a good view.

I prepped her and walked back to Ean. “If you don’t mind, we’re going to take some photos in the garden first.” “Oh. No, that’s fine.”

We took our horses by the reins and walked them around to the garden. A man with a camera was there, snapping shots of the sky or trees as he waited. When he saw us, he came over.

“Your Highness,” he greeted, shaking my hand. “I’m Peter. I thought it’d be nice to get a few pictures of the two of you together.” “Thank you.” I petted Butterscotch. “Where do you want us?” Peter looked around. “If you can put the horses by a tree, I think a couple of shots in front of this fountain would look nice.” I let go of Butterscotch, knowing she wouldn’t run. “Come on,” I said warmly.

Once he had tied his horse to a branch, I took his hands. Peter wasted no time. Ean and I smiled and looked shyly away from each other, and this little walk was documented in pictures. We stood in front of the fountain, sat against a shrub, and even took a couple of pictures in front of the horses.

When Peter announced that would be plenty, I nearly threw my arms up in celebration. He walked off rather quickly, grabbing his bags and double-checking his camera. I looked around, and as promised, we weren’t completely alone. Guards lined the palace walls, and a few workers moved around the grounds, tending the grass and paths.

“Here, Butterscotch!” I walked up to her, and she flicked her tail.

Ean masterfully mounted his horse, and I was happy that he was as competent as he’d led me to believe.

“Forgive me, but that seemed a bit staged,” Ean said as we trotted toward the edge of the lawn.

“I know. But allowing them to capture staged moments means that I get to keep the candid moments private.” “Interesting. So, was that scene with Kile staged or private, then?” I smirked. Wow, he was quick.

“Last time we spoke, it sounded like you had something you wanted to talk about,” I reminded him.

“I do. I want to be honest with you. But that will require you being completely honest with me. Can you do that?” Looking into his face, I wasn’t sure I could give him what he asked for. Not today.

“That depends.”

“On?”

“Many things. I don’t tend to divulge my soul to people I’ve only known two weeks.” We trotted on for a few minutes in silence.

“Favorite food?” he asked, a satisfied smile on his face.

“Do mimosas count?”

He chuckled. “Sure. What else . . . favorite place you’ve ever visited?” “Italy. Partly for the food and partly for the company. If they come here, you have to meet the royal family. They’re too much fun.” “I’d like that. Okay, favorite color?”

“Red.”

“Power color. Nice.”

He stopped quizzing me for a moment, and we continued on our path around the palace. It was kind of peaceful. We passed the front gates, and the gardeners stopped their work and bowed as we went by. Once we were out of their hearing, Ean brought his horse closer to mine.

“I could be very wrong, but I’m going to take a guess at some things about you.” “Go ahead,” I dared.

He hesitated. “Hold on. Let’s stop over here.”

Along the palace wall there was a lone bench, and we pulled up to it.

I hopped off Butterscotch and sat on the small space with Ean.

“Your Highness.”

“Eadlyn.”

“Eadlyn.” He swallowed, showing the first chink in his super-confident armor. “I get the feeling that the Selection isn’t something you truly wanted to do.” I said nothing.

“If it was, perhaps it’s not what you thought it would be, and now you’re in a situation you don’t particularly like. Most women would die to have dozens of men at their beck and call, but you come across as distant.” I smiled kindly. “I told you. I don’t open up to people I just met.” He shook his head. “I’ve seen you on the Report for years. You seem above something like this.” I inhaled deeply, unsure what to say.

“I come to you with an offer. You may not need it at all, but I want to present the option all the same.” “What could you, sir, offer to your future queen?” He smiled, seeming sure of himself again. “A way out.” It was risky to ask what he meant, but I couldn’t help being curious. “How?” “I would never hold you down. I would never hold you back. I wouldn’t even ask you to love me. If you choose me, you can have a marriage free of conventional restraints. Make me your king, and you would be free to reign however you see fit.” I brushed out my dress. “You would never be king.” He tilted his head comically. “Not your type?”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s neither here nor there. Any man who married me would never be king. He would be a prince consort, as no one can hold a title higher than mine.” “I’d take that.”

I leaned on the arm of the bench. “Out of curiosity, why make such an offer? You’re very charismatic, quite handsome. I’d assume you could have a marriage filled with happiness, which makes me wonder why you would commit yourself to one you just admitted would be loveless.” He nodded. “That’s a fair question. Personally, I believe love to be overrated.” I couldn’t help but smile.

“I come from a large family. Six children. I’ve managed to scrape by, but I don’t want to live that life forever. The chance at a comfortable life with an agreeable woman is better than anything else I can hope for.” “Agreeable?” I raised an eyebrow. “Is that it?”

He chuckled. “I like you. You are yourself at all costs. I certainly don’t consider marrying a clever, beautiful, powerful woman settling. And I can offer you the means to an end if you find no one suitable in this group. Honestly, I can tell you, the majority of these guys are jokes. And you can give me something I’ve never had.” I considered. So far the Selection hadn’t been anything I’d expected. It had opened with people assaulting me with food, complaining about my first elimination, and judging my kiss with Kile. Even though I was just figuring out that, for me, there was something inherently unappealing about getting married, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d take someone simply for the sake of making Dad happy. Every time I looked into his eyes, I was more and more aware of how tired he seemed.

I loved my dad.

But I also loved myself.

And I would have to live with me much longer.

“You don’t have to say yes or no,” Ean said, drawing me back to the moment. “I’m simply saying that I’m here if you need me.” I nodded. “I can’t say if I’ll even consider it.” I stood. “For now let’s continue our ride. I don’t get to see my Butterscotch nearly enough.” And we did ride for quite a while longer, but Ean didn’t speak much. It was comfortable in a way not to be burdened with the need to make conversation. Ean would take my silence gratefully. I wondered if that could last, if he would eventually tire of that kind of life.

For the time being I studied him. Handsome, proud, straightforward. His confidence didn’t hinge on my approval, and I knew I wouldn’t worry about receiving his. I could possibly be married without actually feeling like I was. . . .

He might be a very attractive suitor, indeed.